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Blog 1:Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Blog 2: Holiday Overwhelm for Neurodivergent Folks: Finding Your Way Through

 
By Andrea Best, Andrea Best Counselling

The holiday season brings a unique kind of chaos: crowded stores, bright lights, constant social events, disrupted routines, and sensory overload at every turn. For neurodivergent individuals—including those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, and other neurological variations—the holidays can feel less like a celebration and more like survival.

If you find yourself exhausted, overstimulated, or shutting down during the holidays, you're not alone, and you're not doing anything wrong.

Why the Holidays Are Particularly Challenging

Sensory Overload Everywhere
Holiday environments are designed for neurotypical sensory systems. Flashing lights, loud music, crowded spaces, strong food smells, and scratchy holiday sweaters can quickly overwhelm sensitive nervous systems. What others experience as "festive atmosphere" might feel assaultive to you.

Routine Disruption
Many neurodivergent people rely on consistent routines to regulate their nervous systems and manage daily tasks. The holidays disrupt everything: meal times, sleep schedules, work patterns, and daily structures. This unpredictability can increase anxiety and make basic functioning more difficult.

Social Demands and Masking
Extended family gatherings, office parties, and social obligations require sustained social energy and often masking—hiding your authentic self to meet social expectations. This is exhausting and can lead to burnout or meltdowns.

Executive Function Challenges
Gift shopping, meal planning, coordinating schedules, managing finances, and remembering numerous obligations all require executive function—an area where many neurodivergent folks struggle. The holidays pile these demands on all at once.

Permission to Do Holidays Differently
You don't have to participate in the holidays the way everyone else does. Your brain works differently, and that means your approach to the season should work for you, not against you.

It's okay to:

  • Skip events that will drain or overwhelm you
  • Leave gatherings early without guilt
  • Create quiet spaces and take breaks
  • Wear comfortable clothes instead of formal attire
  • Order takeout instead of cooking elaborate meals
  • Set firm boundaries around your time and energy


Strategies for Managing Holiday Overwhelm

Prepare Sensory Accommodations
Bring noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses, or fidget tools to events. Scope out quiet spaces beforehand where you can decompress. Give yourself permission to step away when you need sensory breaks.

Protect Your Routine
Maintain as much of your regular routine as possible. Keep consistent sleep schedules, meals, and daily rituals that help regulate your nervous system. It's okay to prioritize your routine over holiday expectations.

Plan Your Social Energy Budget
Think of social energy as a finite resource. Before committing to events, honestly assess how much energy you have and what you'll need to recover. It's better to attend fewer events fully present than to overcommit and crash.

Communicate Your Needs Clearly
You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation, but clear communication can help. "I need to leave by 7pm," "I'll need a quiet space to regroup," or simply "I won't be able to make it" are all valid statements.

Create Your Own Traditions
Who says you have to celebrate like everyone else? Create traditions that actually work for your brain. Maybe that's a quiet movie night instead of a big party, or ordering pizza instead of cooking an elaborate meal. Your version of the holidays is valid.

Have an Exit Strategy
Always have a plan for how to leave situations that become overwhelming. Drive separately, set time limits, or arrange a signal with a trusted person who can help you exit gracefully.

Lower the Bar
You don't have to send cards, decorate extensively, buy perfect gifts, or attend everything. Decide what truly matters to you and let go of the rest without guilt.

When You're Already Overwhelmed

If you're reading this already feeling burnt out, know that it's okay to step back now:

  • Cancel commitments if you need to
  • Ask for help with tasks that feel impossible
  • Take a full day to rest and recover
  • Say no to additional requests
  • Reach out for support from understanding friends or a therapist


A Note on Masking and Authenticity

The holiday season often increases pressure to mask—to hide stimming, suppress meltdowns, force eye contact, or pretend you're fine when you're not. While some masking may feel necessary in certain situations, please know that you deserve spaces where you can be authentically yourself.

Therapy can be a place where you don't have to mask, where your neurodivergent experience is understood and validated, and where you can develop strategies that honour how your brain actually works.

Final Thoughts

Your neurodivergent brain isn't broken or wrong—it's simply navigating a world designed for different neurologies. The fact that the holidays are harder for you doesn't mean you're failing. It means the expectations are unrealistic for your needs.

You have permission to create a holiday season that works for you, even if it looks nothing like what you see around you. Your well-being matters more than tradition, expectations, or anyone else's comfort.

If you're struggling with overwhelm and need support developing strategies that work for your neurodivergent brain, therapy can help. You deserve to feel understood and supported.



By Andrea Best, Andrea Best Counselling






The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But when you're grieving, these expectations can feel overwhelming and isolating. If you've lost someone you love, the holidays may amplify your pain rather than soothe it.

You're not alone in this experience, and there's no "right" way to grieve during this time of year.

Why the Holidays Intensify Grief

The holidays are filled with traditions, gatherings, and memories that often include the person we've lost. Empty chairs at the dinner table, missing voices in holiday songs, and the absence of familiar rituals can make grief feel sharper and more present.

Social pressure to be cheerful can also create a painful disconnect between how you're feeling inside and how you think you "should" be feeling. This contrast can leave you feeling guilty, angry, or even more alone.

Permission to Grieve Your Way

First and foremost, give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling. Grief doesn't follow a calendar, and you don't need to put on a brave face or force yourself into holiday cheer.

It's okay to:

  • Skip certain traditions or gatherings
  • Feel joy one moment and sadness the next
  • Create new rituals that honor your loss
  • Say no without lengthy explanations
  • Take breaks when you need them


Practical Strategies for Coping

Honor Your Loved One's Memory
Consider creating a new ritual that acknowledges their absence. Light a candle, share stories about them, set a place at the table, or make their favorite recipe. These acts can provide comfort and keep their memory present in meaningful ways.

Communicate Your Needs
Let trusted friends and family know what would help you most. Do you need company, or would you prefer solitude? Do you want to talk about your loved one, or would you rather focus on other topics? Being clear about your needs helps others support you better.

Adjust Traditions Mindfully
You don't have to do things the way you've always done them. It's okay to scale back, skip certain events, or create entirely new traditions. Ask yourself what feels manageable and meaningful right now, not what you think you should do.

Create Boundaries Around Your Energy
Grief is exhausting, and the holidays add extra demands. Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries. It's perfectly acceptable to leave events early, decline invitations, or take quiet time when you need it.

Seek Support
Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, don't navigate this alone. Talking with someone who understands grief can provide relief and validation during this difficult season.

A Gentle Reminder

There's no timeline for grief, and there's no "getting over" the loss of someone important to you. The holidays may always carry a bittersweet quality, and that's a testament to the love you shared.

Be patient with yourself. Take things one moment, one day at a time. And remember that surviving the holidays while grieving is enough—you don't have to thrive, smile through it, or meet anyone else's expectations.

If you're struggling with grief and need support, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies that work for you. You don't have to face this alone.